Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I'm Falling to Pieces


-->
I wrote this blog because of all the pain I felt these past few weeks, months and even a year.
First my heart today is unstable. It’s still broken because of one girl that I loved 4months ago. We started at friends in one social networking site (Facebook), but she is my former schoolmate way back in high school. Unfortunately we didn’t cross our path. She is consisted section 1 pupil, but I know her name (she told me also that she know me then). Lagi kaming nagcocomment sa mga issue sa mga wall sa FB. Nagppm sa chat, at ng minsang magkaroon ng pagkakataon nagkausap kami sa ym. I first I feel something’s’ special to her. I want to know her better, also everyday I talk to her in ym. We talk a lot of things, we talk about her x that she loved so much but iniwan xa. At that time I realize that she needs a guy that will help him to forget the pain. Then one day one of my friends told me to get her number, aun that day binigay nya naman number nya. And that day is the start na nagkatxt kmi. Not just simple txt – ung txt na prang mag gf-bf… halos 24hrs kami magkatxt. Sabay sa lahat ng bagay, kumain, matulog, gumising at even . (nkakakilig noh?). but not all the time sweet xa.Jmaligo sabay kami Ng lumipas ang panahon I realize na nafafall na aq sa kanya, d naman kcng mahirap mahalin xa, beauty and brain xa. One day I told to her about my feelings, isa lang reply nya. D pa daw xa handa na magmahal ulet, aun xempre fail aq. Sa kanya q lang kc naramdaman ung special pala aq, sya lang nagparamdam na my halaga ang buhay q. To be honest, d pa aq ngkagirl friend. Cguro dahil wla aqng looks, guts, fame, appeal at pera(don’t get me wrong, base on my opinion). I want somebody that will care for me that will love me unconditionally, and un ung nakita q sa kanya nung una. But d pla, sadyang aq lang pla ang nangangarap, kaibigan lang talga ang tingin nya sakin. And lately nalaman q na d lang pla skin ganun treatment nya. D lang fail, super failed pa. broken hearted na naman, huhuhu. After that I planned to stay away, umiwas(bitter noh). But d q rin natiis, nagparamdam din aq. Kahit na masakit, kahit n alam kung d nya aq mamahalin, hinarap q nalang ang kato2hanan. Im still hoping na mamahalin nya din aq someday. But im not expecting(ang gulo noh?).. Basta I loved her very much. She is so precious to me since I met her.

Marami na talagang nagbago sakin since nakilala q xa. one of my friends told me pa nga na “hindi na ikaw ung kilala naming Choi”. Natawa at nalungkot aq dun, pero tama naman xa. before kc d naman aq ganito kaweak. Easy go lucky guy lang aq, laging tinatawan ang problema, d cneseryoso ang buhay, wlang negatibong naiisip, puro lang pagsasaya. Pero ngaun, halos lahat ng problemang danadaan q, prang d q na kinakaya. Mag-aaya ng inuman, dota – uu nga Masaya aq. Pero kinabukasan nandun pa din ung sakit. Thankful din aq sa mga kaibigan q na laging nandyan(kahit na minsan absent o kya late, aus lang). Thankz dotadiks… sana d kau magsawa sa pagka-EMO q.

Second is my career, 2yrs na aqng grad but till now unemployed pa din aq. Lagi q 2loy naalala ung failure q sa CPA board exam. My parents always told me na “magtrabaho ka na nga,lagi kang nsa bahay”. I tried to look for a job but everytime I attend a job interview they always as me na “may working experience kna ba?”. Aun lagi denied application q, since then tinatamad na 2loy aqng pumunta sa mga job interviews. Alibi q lang sa mga kakilala q na tinatamad aq pumunta sa mga interview but in fact talagang ayaw q kc alam qng d aq matatanggap. Isa pa kc sayang ung pera at oras na gugu2lin q, I tried almost 15times sa pagaapply, till now wlang reply. Now I don’t know where to start again. I losing hope na magiging masaya pa aq. I end up losing, crying, being alone one time pa nga naisip kung mgpakamatay nalang. Pero una kung naisip na mas maraming malulungkot kapag ginwa q un. I don’t want to be selfish. Masaya namang mabuhay, d lang maiiwasang magkaroon ng mga problema na susubok sa iyong pagkatao. . Cguro kulang talga aq sa faith ky GOD at effort to achieve all my goals.

Hangang dito nalang baka kc makarating pa `to sa MMK, mafeatured pa aq. Godbless Us all.

Ciao.

5 comments:

den said...

parang lagi nmn.. tsktsk

kikilabotz said...

pkshit k! bkit hnd n kita follower ..hahahah. weaaaaaaaaaakkkkk

weaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkk

weeaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkk


lam ko problemado kayo ni elden kaya nga nagpapatalo n ko sa tekken s inyo. sumaya man lang kayo pamisan minsan

Jam said...

Lam mo d pa katapusan ng mundo para mwalan k ng pag-asa..ur almost same my mahal pero lagi kong pinaalala na ang tao may pinag aralan man o wala basta may diskarte at palaban sa buhay palaging winner..there's always a right time tandaan mo yan hane..hahaha..a little advice frm a friend if u will accept it..tnx and TC.

Choi said...

@jam tnx for the advice from my new friend.. :D

_a_n_o_n_y_m_o_u_s_ said...

ikaw ang nagsabe saken na stop ko ang self pity dahil wla naman mangyayare sken kung gnun lan gagawin q..

Hope narealize mo n dn po un ngaun..ehehehe..^_^
napadaan lang, ngkaron ng tym magbasa.. :P